THE BEAUTIFUL SHOUT OF LONELINESS

In the Police song “So Lonely,” Sting sings about playing the starring role in a “theater” that he calls his soul. I live alone, and have so during this period of isolation throughout the pandemic. I have always played the main role in my personal theater, but this year I played all the other parts too. I am the antagonist, the lover, the supporting cast. It’s not a very interesting play. It’s not musical, doesn’t have much dance, and could be likened to a Waiting for Godot with too many people. And yet I am fine with it.

I used to fear being alone. I spent my childhood sleeping in the same room as my brother, our beds lined up together. When he went to the bathroom, I went with him, for no reason other than it was better to be with someone. Nowadays I sleep alone, I go to the bathroom alone, and I eat alone. Eating is one activity that is recommended by various health magazines to do with other people. I understand that it may be more pleasurable undertaken with other people (in some cases). When I ate Thanksgiving dinner while conversing with my family over Zoom, I enjoyed the food more. But I also feel like I couldn’t eat as much because I was talking. When I eat alone, I accomplish the mission.

Washington state has imposed restrictions on households and businesses until at least January 11. Under these rules, I would not legally be allowed to have a single person over to my house, since they are from another household. There is little chance to see anyone at a restaurant either, since indoor dining is closed and it is generally too cold to eat outside. In any case, it is the holidays and everyone has just about given up being social for the rest of the year. That means I need to experience a little bit mor time of total isolation. But I am looking forward to the creative projects I can undertake during this time.

Creativity is spurred by loneliness. No human actually wants to be alone, so when they are, the creative forces grow strong to help one find ways to get out of the situation. Creating paintings, stories or music are ways to connect to other people, pull them in, or explore ways to live a different kind of life. It is an amazing power. It is also a shout for help. Just a beautiful shout, that’s all.